What Schools Get Right (and Wrong) About Inclusion
One of the most anxiety inducing moments of my life was sending my son to kindergarten. He had been diagnosed with autism a year prior, we had the IEP ready to go, his BCBA (Board Certified Behavior Analyst) had equipped us with the knowledge and supports to start school strong. But we had just moved to a new state, so along with all the other stress that comes with a life change, he had to walk into a school where no one knew him. He was just a name on a paper - a kid on an IEP.
By the time our daughter went to Kindergarten five years later, I had several years of advocating under my belt. I knew what to ask for in her IEP, especially under accommodations. But I also knew… I needed to be the team’s biggest supporter. Her special Ed teacher, and therapist, and Gen Ed teacher had to know that I was on their side and there to support them with her needs. I’m proud to say she is still almost fully included - aside from math (she’s her mother’s daughter 😉). Her peers love and support her. Every adult in that building smiles when they see her. And to most, she’s “just Claire.” But to those who know her well - she’s also “Claire, who needs a bit more help.” And that’s okay! We celebrate her differences and want others to recognize that differences are okay, and even… kind of cool.
Furthering An Inclusive Community in Schools:
Parent involvement.
I am a huge supporter of letting parents be more involved. One of the biggest disservices I’ve seen from schools is doing away with “room parents.” Room parents can help build a sense of community among parents by encouraging collaboration, facilitating connections, and promoting a positive classroom environment. And for a parent like me? We get to know the classroom better. We get to see our kids interact with others, and selfishly - we get to keep an eye on them. But also? We get to HELP teachers! I believe one of the main arguments against parent involvement is the privacy of other students. A simple privacy contract would solve this issue. And let’s be honest - our kids are already spilling the tea when they get home 😉
Our twins went to kindergarten in Colorado. One of the best parts was that parent involvement was highly encouraged. If we had time to give to the classroom, we could essentially just show up and take a task off the teacher’s hands. This allowed me to get to know the other parents in my son’s classroom. My son was not concerned with making friends (he still isn’t 7 years later). But I was - I was desperate to connect with other moms. Not only as a new-to-school/state mom, but the life we led was not conducive to making “mom friends.” We didn’t go to soccer, or baseball, or football practice. We went to therapy.
By allowing us to volunteer, I was able to make an incredible group of friends. This, in turn, led to playdates with kids in my son’s class! My son didn’t exactly play with their child - but everyone was okay with the setup. And I was able to connect with another mom and feel “normal”.
Facilitating Friendships.
I know above I referenced that Claire is well-loved and well-supported in her school. There has never been an instance of bullying, or kids treating her poorly. But can I say that she has really great friends outside of school? I can’t. And more than anything, that keeps me up at night and devastates me every single weekend when she is bored and asks to go to her friends’ houses. Unfortunately, I have no idea where most of them live or how to get in touch with their parents. Again, I think this comes down to privacy. But if I think about it, no parent I know would have any issue with a school fostering and encouraging friendships.
This isn’t a “special needs card“ that I am pulling - I can think of many children who would benefit from having a little extra bump in how to make friends. Most kids around the elementary age are making friends through different activities or sports, but a lot of kids don’t have access to that or don’t participate in sports. My daughter goes to therapy four days a week. She loves her friends at school, but she would also love to see her friends on the weekends. I love hearing stories about her at school and how everyone is kind to her. But school is only a chunk of her life - she needs, and deserves, more.
Buddies!
I know, I know. A lot of schools are already doing this! And if they’re not, they will claim that there is no time. I am a former teacher, and now I substitute teach often so I know TIME is a big issue, but I’d also make the argument that giving kids something to look forward to will facilitate a better work ethic during the day. Who doesn’t want a more well-rounded student?
I cannot express how much I adore the schools that have a system where an older student is paired with a younger student. Once a week, they meet, play games, work on goals, and just make connections that foster an inclusive community. Every single child in a school setting would benefit from having an older peer buddy/role model.
Parent Involvement
Parental involvement is paramount, so much so that it warrants a double mention. Schools have the potential to implement numerous initiatives beneficial to all: special needs kids, typical kids, teachers, and staff.
Have parents volunteer come in and help anywhere they are needed. There are several programs I know of on a national level, but the one I keep coming back to the most is that Dads/male role models need to be more involved. Picture this: a dad holding the door open on a windy day, greeting kids with a big smile as they head into school. It's little things like that can turn someone's day around. Plus, it means teachers don't have to be pulled away during their prep time. It's a win-win for everyone and helps build a real sense of community.
When I think about the schools that are doing inclusion right, it doesn’t start with parents like me. What it has always started with is a teacher who has connections to the world of special needs. They want to help, and they figure out a way to do it. This is indescribably helpful to special needs parents. We already do so much advocating and legwork just trying to get the bare minimum for our child to not only get the medical services they need, but the education and the sense of belonging they need. I would love to chat with all school districts about ways this can be implemented, but it has to start with a school having the desire to foster inclusion and want to do better. I have high hopes. A generation ago you never would’ve seen my daughter in a general education classroom. We have come a very, very long way, and I can only imagine what it will look like in the coming years.
